Strong enough?

I started out my 7 mile run on a nice cool Sunday morning. Luckily, even though I was running solo,  and both my GPS and my ipod batteries were low (note to self to charge all electronic devices needed the night before!) I made it through with a smile on my face. I finally figured out how to do my mile splits on my GPS watch and here they are:

Mile 1: 10:00
Mile 2: 10:14
Mile 3: 10:13
Mile 4: 10:20
Mile 5: 9:47
Mile 6: 10:02
Mile 7: 9:47      Overall average 10:03 Not bad!

Like I said, I had a smile on my face and I did when I saw my overall pace drop for the last 3 miles. It seems each week I question myself and have the “can I really run x amount of miles” thought but it all turns out ok. If I keep increasing my mileage slowly, I will be able to do the ½ marathon. So far I’ve stuck to the training schedule and modified as I needed. My shins are screaming at me but I think if I continue to ice and try new stretches I can keep them at bay.

As you can see from the previous post. It has been a couple of stressful weeks. But my running success are keeping my stress level down. I know I don’t need to add my training schedule to the list of my worries. As you’ve read, I have a close friend going through all this BRCA stuff and it has kind of re-opened it all for me. I am starting to really doubt my decision to do the prophylactic mastectomy. I am starting to really worry about how our family can handle this kind of added stress this year. Even if all the other pieces fall into place, it is going to be rough. We have two small kids and someone will need to physically be at the house during my recovery as I won’t be able to watch them until Dan gets home at 6:00/6:30 each night. Some days I am close to calling the surgeon’s office to cancel and other days I don’t even think about.

I know there is never a *good* time to do something like this, but is now really a good time for me? Will Dan be able to work full time, keep up with kids, cook, clean and do it all? Is that even fair of me to ask of him? How will the kids react when I cannot pick them up or play with them for 3-4 weeks? How will I handle going back to work when I know my body will be healing for months? How long will it take for me to re-gain my running and upper body strength? I guess as time ticks closer to Nov. 28th, these fears and worries will only get become more prevalent in my mind. I hope that I can overcome the fears and be stronger so that I can do what I know I need to do.  If I am rational, I know it is the right choice but when you factor in emotion, that is when I start to waiver. I know the strength to get through this is, is in me. I just need to find it and bring it out.