I've always preached how important self talk is to my students during our counseling sessions, I've even preached it to friends and family and to anyone who asked my advice. But, I haven't taken my own advice. All I seem to do is complain about my life. Claim what a funk I am in. Avoiding or dreading social gatherings or phone calls from friends. If you know me well you know I am a shower freak and there are days that it is the afternoon that I haven't even showered and sometimes even then it is only to put back on clean PJ's. So, operation de-funking myself is going to commence. I went to the Doctor (AGAIN!) today because I feared the infection was getting worse, when according to my Dr. it is getting better. It is a very slow process. I realize that I am not patient. I even asked him if there was anything I could do to speed things up, ice? More Rest? More water? Etc. He said, "no" it just takes time and he believes the antibiotics are in fact working. It is a good thing I like him because I have a hard time believing that given what it looks like (though I admit it is getting smaller it is getting nastier, ewww)
Ok, so here are some of my downfalls that need to be changed.
1. Get up and shower and get dressed and stop living in PJ's.
2. Get my nails done. Since I haven't lifted a finger in 6 weeks my nails look amazing. Maybe that would be a nice treat (though finances are tight so a full retail therapy shopping spree isn't an option)
3. Schedule the maid that two awesome people pre-paid for me. Thank you sister in law Anne and highschool friend Candyce! A clean house (times 3) always makes things better.
4. Exercise. No, folks not going for a 5 mile jog but start with walking in the neighborhood and then even try the gym. The bike should be an option. I always feel better when I work out.
5. Fake it. Pretend I am back to normal. Play with my kids. Do housework (within reason) stop being an invisible person in my own house.
Nights are still troubling to me and I am not sleeping well. My moods and emotions really get the best of me at night as does my anxiety over this infection. I am not sure what I can do control that but perhaps if I am in a better mood and busier during the day I'll be more tired and relaxed at bedtime. We'll see.
So, my two adorable kids are being dropped off at my house in a few minutes and I am on mommy duty ALONE for the first time since surgery. I can do this. Funk be gone. The one thing I keep forgetting in all of this is the only thing that really matters: I do not have cancer.
It could be worse.
Keep a lookout for the old fun loving Erin. I think she is making a come back.