Wow. There are no words.

I woke up today excited that I didn't have any drains dragging me down and excited that the kids were going to go to Cville with my mother in law to give me some quiet time to rest this weekend. Now, after watching the news all day I just want them back. I feel so selfish for being annoyed that they are noisy and fight and have tantrums during dinner. Annoyed that they make noise and wake me up when I am resting. I woke up feeling sorry for myself. Sorry for myself and the life I've been handed. Sorry for myself that I am still in pain. Annoyed that I couldn't get the lid off of my water container. Annoyed that it took me 10 minutes to get the things I needed and to get into bed. Wishing that I could skip over all of this hard stuff and start feeling really good.


Wow. Life just got put into real perspective. I need to look away. I need to turn it off the news. But as an Elementary counselor who practices these drills all of the time in preparation for an event like this, it is hitting kind of close to home. Not to mention my sweet babies are an hour away and too far away for me to give them a big squeeze. I thought that we were safe in elementary school as the shootings are usually secondary schools but nope, now we aren't even safe anymore. It just all sucks. No other way to put it.

I think I need to take a nap, rest, turn off this horrible news story and try not to lose faith in the world that we live in. Maybe all of the emotions of this surgery and all are just effecting me more or maybe it is because I am home alone for the first time in 2.5 weeks. Either way this is heart wrenching. :o(