Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Being on the other side is hard.

I spent months and months looking forward to "being on the other side", meaning that my surgery would be behind me and I could move forward. I guess the part I failed to focus on was actually getting through this part of the process. It is hard. I am in pain, still. Days are better but nights are still difficult. I haven't blogged a whole lot lately for a couple reasons, one being that I am just super tired a lot of the time but also because I battle between telling the real truth about this or giving you all the sugar coated version. I guess I'll try for somewhere in between.
Trying to take a walk around the neighborhood (short walk)

Love my babies!!

The whole Fam

So, it has been two weeks. Two weeks ago I was literally having surgery at this part of the day. My family was anxiously waiting for 5.5 hours in the waiting room and I was in a blissful sleep aware of none of this. When I woke up I couldn't even hold a cup or lift my head up or get out of bed or use the bathroom unassisted. I think I've come a long way in two weeks. I can shower, wash my hair, take care of my own drains/tubes (ick!), blow dry my hair, get dressed and get in and out of bed, though I wouldn't say it is gracefully. I hope I have a six pack after this because I am relying 100% on my abs to get out of bed.

I do have to say that when I saw myself for the first time I didn't cry or get upset at all. I was shocked. I have, what we have now decided are called "TSBs" which stands for Tori Spelling Boobs. Yep, you know what I am talking about you remember 90210. Anyway, I was very surprised to see that the doctor filled up my temporary expanders quite a bit, shockingly a lot. So, I at least wasn't disappointed when I saw them for the first time. It is weird having rocks on my chest though. I am not making that up, expanders are literally like rocks. You could probably knock on them and hear the noise. They've taken quite some time to get used to but slowly I am adjusting. They are temporary so I won't have to deal with them forever.

Tomorrow I get the drains and tubes removed and that will be a huge step in the right direction for improvement. They don't bother me to the point that I cannot function but they are kind of annoying to have these tubes and drains hanging from your body at all times, though I've been creative with how to handle them while I shower. A shoestring around my neck works nicely.

I haven't made it out of the house much that is just because I get so tired. I am trying to rest but it is hard. Carter doesn't understand that I cannot pick her up and her "up, ups" make me so sad to deny. Sean totally gets it and has been great about being gentle around me and allowing Nana and Daddy to handle things that used to my my job (going to bed). Thankfully, Nana is here to handle all the things mommy used to handle and the kids love having her here. That is one thing that I do not have to worry about it. Oh and food. OMG have I got some awesome family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, wow! The meal train is amazing. We've had dinner brought to our door almost every night of the week since I had surgery. When the slots for dinners ran out people started bringing over snacks, fruit, breakfast stuff, etc. I literally had no idea I had so many people who loved me so much. I do not know what I could ever do to repay all of these people! It has taken a huge burden off of Dan and Nana and that has been such a blessing to us all!
Sean is my helper, he takes me on walks a lot

I know I am getting better each day but I have my moments of frustrations. I am slowly backing off of the pain killers and will be happy to be done with them as they make me supppper itchy all of the time. I guess I'll know about my status after tomorrow's appointment with the plastic surgeon. From my perspective it looks like things are healing nicely and I hope he agrees.

The other highlight of tomorrow is Sean's Pre-K Christmas Program. His costume is ready and he knows his lines and I cannot wait to be there to see it!

PS Forgive me if I am rambling I did mention I am still on pain killers, right? :o)


  1. You are heading in the right direction, Erin. Congratulations for focusing on this part of the process with an upbeat determination. Good luck tomorrow!

  2. Oh, Erin, the pic with Sean taking you for a walk made my already teary eyes release. And the up-ups; I know it's not the same at all, but I'm not allowed to pick up Olivia (or anything heavy) because of my messed up back. I know how heartbreaking it is to say no because they just don't understand. I've resorted to giving her a long hug instead and then offering her a hand if she wanted to be carried somewhere. It doesn't always work, but sometimes it's enough. Wishing you all the best for tomorrow's appointment! You know your body best, so if you feel like things look/feel better, than they probably are. :) Thanks for sharing.

  3. You are doing a great job with the recovery - it's not an overnight thing! Sending lots of hugs and prayers!

  4. Keep going, Erin. You will make it through this.

  5. It is vrey touching to read this, you are a very strong,
    determined young woman and we are so proud of you! Our love and prayers continue for you each and every day!