I apologize in advance for the rambling as I have a lot going through my head and decided to get it out. I had an MRI today for my head, which is routine for me for a non-issue tumor on my pituitary gland. It has been there for years and we just do an MRI every few years to make sure it hasn't grown and I am sure it hasn't. But, for some reason while I was laying there in the machine all I could think about was my surgery and what is to come. It was a good 45 minutes of time to think (despite the ridiculous clicking noises). The only other time I've had surgery was my breast reduction and I think I was so super excited about that I don't remember being scared. I remember waking up and being in a lot of pain and I can only imagine that pain will be tripled after my mastectomy. So my thoughts wondered there and how much I hate having an IV (they had to put contrast in for the last part). Then, when I turn my phone back on after the procedure I have a text from my Dad saying that my mom is having heart issues and is in the ER. Oh. great. It turns out she is severely dehydrated and malnurished from this last round of chemo. They switched up her drugs due to some other side effects and it seems this new drug is no better it just comes with a new set of issues, one being that she doesn't ever eat or drink anything. Her dehydration is now affecting her kidneys and they are doing some work to make sure her heart is ok, also. On top of all of that earlier this week I got an email from my principal with the horrible news that a teacher at my school has breast cancer. I mean...come on! I am BRCA positive along with two other teachers at my school and now the most health conscience, in shape, healthy person we have on staff has breast cancer? I know it sounds selfish but it is just like a slap in the face. Everywhere. I. turn. it. is. there.
I know I am rambling but I just had a lot on my mind. Thank goodness for a kick butt run practice tonight where I left nothing behind and busted my butt. I didn't have time to worry about my mom, or my surgery or anything. I just was trying to breath and make it through and I did.
I'm sorry to hear it's been a rough bit of time for you, Erin. My thoughts are going out to your mother as she deals with the treatments and to your fellow teacher. When we start looking around, cancer does suddenly appear in too many places. It's hard to turn off that awareness once it's switched on.
ReplyDeleteAs for the bilateral mastectomy . . . well, I just had a mastectomy, but the pain afterwards was manageable because - quite honestly - the arm reacted by losing nerve sensation. I've gotten a fair deal of my feeling back, however there are still numb patches along my back and upper arm.
All this to say, it pain may well be manageable. Some women even go home right after getting mastectomies! I'm convinced they're super human.
(((hugs))) from afar! I hope the rest of your summer goes better than the first half seems to have gone! thinking of you and your mom...
ReplyDeleteHope your mother is doing well.
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