Why do I run?

Well, since you have been reading my blog thus far, it is probably no surprise to you that this 1/2 marathon and my PBM (Prophylactic Bi-Lateral Mastectomy for those of you just joining me) surgery are very closely enmeshed. They are intertwined so tightly because I feel that running gives me strength. It gives me the strength I need to have to go forward with a life altering surgery like the mastectomy. I feel empowered in the sense that I am choosing this route, it is 100% my choice, which is different than a person diagnosed with cancer. Though I am choosing this route, it doesn't mean that I am not scared to death. I really do try not to worry too much, but I'll be honest. I am scared. Scared about how I will look, scared about the pain, and sad about missing out on special things for the time I am laid up in the hospital and at home not able to spend time with my children. This surgery, though my choice, it a huge deal and I have to be honest with myself and be open and honest about how much this surgery is weighing on my heart and mind.

Running gives me the strength to put those worries at bay. To push those worries out of my mind and feel confident in my decision. When I run I feel like I can do anything. When I run I feel powerful, in control, happy. When I run I feel strong physically and mentally. When I am running I am 100% confident that I've made the right choice. I am not sure how the race is going to go down this weekend but I know in my heart that my body and my mind are strong enough to make it happen. I want to finish that 1/2 marathon with a smile on my face (and as a friend pointed out) with tears of joy in my eyes! In just over two weeks when I under go my surgery I will *know* that my body and my mind are strong enough to tackle anything because I completed a 1/2 marathon.

5 years ago, or shoot even 1 year ago I would have never though I would be running a 1/2 marathon. I didn't know I had the strength inside of me to complete such a tough training schedule and race. I also didn't know I was strong enough to decide to move forward with this surgery. There are a lot of things that I did not know. I've learned a lot about myself through this journey. I am nervous about the race on Saturday and I am surely nervous about my surgery but in both cases I will prove to myself and everyone else that I am strong enough to become a half marathoner and strong enough to become a pre-vivor all at the same time.