My PBM.

Today was the day. Erin woke up with a strong head and complete determination to get this surgery over and done with. Honestly, I'm super impressed at how little she seemed to worry. My mom and Dan came with her this morning, and my dad, myself and Erin's mother-in-law joined in on the waiting room fun.  It took about 5.5 hours, but the surgeons assured us that everything went great. Erin is currently settled into her room and seems to be managing the pain pretty well- with a quick trigger finger to the morphine, of course! We are all incredibly proud of the decision she's made. Being that I have not made the decision to get tested yet myself, seeing my big sister face this head on has been a huge inspiration. Here's to a speedy recovery for the most awesome previvor I know!

-Jenn (Erin's little sis)

My Last Hurrah was a success!

Love my hubbie! He grew a mustache for "Movember" for prostate cancer awareness!

Well, if the awesome-ness of the night was categorized by how bad I felt the next day.....then...it was a huge success! We were all moving a little slow the next day but it was totally worth it!

Let me start at the beginning. First my core group of close friends (who all have two kids each) and sisters-in-law and brother in law decided that booking a hotel room downtown was the way to go, that way we could take a quick cab ride and no one had to drive to any destination. So, we all checked in around 4 and hung out in the room for a while. We ate dinner at a restaurant that had rave reviews and it lived up to its expectations. The only issue I have is that I ate too much!

After dinner, the rest of my friends met us at 9pm at a local Irish pub. It was so great to see everyone out and about. Friends from school, friends from my training team, old friends, new friends, it was great! After a few hours there we decided we would head to dance club type place. Whew, what a night! Even my guy friends who don't dance were out on the dance floor. It was amazing. We had so much fun. I know I mentioned my hot pink pants and they certainly did not disappoint. Two, yes two, 22 year old girls came up to me raving over my pants and wanting to know where I purchased them! At this point, I felt the need to tell them that I was super old (32) and I had two kids. They were both floored and couldn't believe it. Or they were just trying to make me feel better! ha ha Either way I'll take it!!

At the hotel for our "stay-cation"

Dan and I

The gang at dinner

Some friends from my training team

So much fun hanging with my girls!

It was an amazing night. Just seeing all my friends make the effort to join us just re-affirmed what an awesome group of family and friends that I have. I have so many people who are here to support me. Those that came and many many more. My toast at dinner was, "I know people think I am being brave for my decision, but honestly any one of you would do the same thing given the situation. Having you all here to support me just makes this decision all the more possible. Thank you" That pretty much sums it up!!

This is it. The week of my surgery is here.

I wish I could give credit to the person who made this up. I tweaked it a bit to make it apply to myself. I think it says it all.

Breast Cancer took its toll on my Mom, you see
And I have decided that I won’t let it get me.
I'll take this action courageous and strong
So that I can live unscathed, healthy and long.

I have children to love, I want to watch their lives unfold
And eventually precious little grandchildren to hold
I choose to not live in a place of fear
Wondering each day if my turn is near?

There's too much at stake; too much has already been taken
But my foundation's still firm, my faith never shaken
Instead I'll be proactive and choose
That I can live each day fully, not a moment to lose.

I will not waste precious time wondering "when"?
I'm rewriting my future with my own pen.
My children will not shed unnecessary tears
Or lose out on dear memories because of lost years.

I do this for them and I do this for me
I am not ashamed of my choices as you can see
My Mom would have done this if she had the chance
I choose this on my terms, I'll have the last dance.

My family and friends are with me each step of the way
There's no place for worry, I want this new day
I'm moving forward with courage, I want my children to see
That when you meet life head on, a great example you'll be.

I look forward to each day, and the new memories I'll be making
Life is so precious and it's mine for the taking.
This breast cancer stops here. There will be no more sorrow.
Only bright days ahead, hope and joy for tomorrow...

*anonymous

Last Hurrah for Erin's Ta-tas

The countdown is on to my Last Hurrah. One week from today I'll be celebrating what a nice life they have had! My very talented husband came up with a clever invite that was sent to my friends.
Here it is:

A Message from Dan:

Happy Birthday to Erin and the gift to you,
They’ll chop off your ta-tas, we know Dan will Boo-Hoo.

Thinking only of your kids, this is one selfless act.
No one could be braver and that is a fact.

So in celebration of “the girls” we now know
an event we have planned for friends to all go.

Down in the bottom on November 24
We’ll meet about 9 on the dance floor.

Getting a bit crazy well bounce them around
With one last night out on the town.

There are lots of friends joining me for a night out on the town and a few close friends have booked hotel rooms downtown so we can all have fun and not worry about getting home (or waking up early to get up with our kids). It is shaping up to be one crazy night out! I can't wait! PS. I even have my Last Hurrah outfit purchased and ready to go and yes, it does include some HOT pink pants!!! 

Thanks to weight watchers and running a half marathon I can now rock out hot pink skinny jeans! I am 25 lbs less than I was in January when I found out my BRCA status and 15 lbs lighter than I was in Sept when I began my training and diet. I'm back to where I was pre-kids and I am so happy about that!



 

An awesome shout out!

My friend and former guest blogger gave me an awesome shout on her own blog. What a compliment to be featured in her Strong is Sexy post!

Check it out at: http://www.darwinianfail.com/2012/11/strong-is-sexy-shout-out.html

Thanks Krysten!!

Waiting is like a 1/2 marathon.

I did the 1/2 marathon and marked that off my list. After I came down off my post-race high I started to wonder, "what now?" My surgery is two weeks away and I can agree with many others who have said that waiting is the hardest part. Then I got to think about my race strategy. I shared it with Lindsey before the race. First, get to Bryan Park (hills), then get to mile 10 to see my friends, and then, finish strong. I broke it up into sections. So on that first mile I wasn't worried about mile 13, I was looking ahead to the first turn at mile 3. The same hold trues for waiting. 

I have 2 great things to look forward to before my surgery. One is T-giving with my in-laws in Charlottesville and the second thing is a get together with all of my friends (Which I so nicely am calling "The Last Hurrah for Erin's Ta-tas"). So, that is my new game plan. Focus on Thanksgiving. Focus on getting through the long lists of things to do before surgery at work and at home and focus on having fun with my friends for one fun and crazy night out on the town. Someone mentioned the other day that I seem so calm, I guess I just haven't been worrying about what is to come so much because there is a lot that needs to happen between now and then. My Last Hurrah is about 4 days pre-surgery so that only gives me a few days to freak out. I think I like this new strategy. I am going to treat this like my race. I am going to put one foot in front of the other and take one step at a time.

Happy Birthday to me!

Today I am turning 32 years old. It has been a great 32 years. As I said in previous posts, my family is not riddled with cancer. I've never lost a close loved one to breast cancer or ovarian cancer so I've lived a relatively stress free life up to this point. Until my mom was diagnosed in the Fall of last year, I really don't think I've ever really felt any real stress in my life. How lucky am I? I lived 31 years without ever worrying that I would lose a loved one to cancer. A year has passed and now my mom has gotten a clean bill of health and will return to work. Almost 1 year to do the day, she can finally move on. What a birthday present to me! On my birthday my mom goes back to life as she used to know it. My dad posted a really sweet status update on FB mentioning that as my mom's journey through this diagnosis is ending, mine is sort of just beginning. She has been strong for our family for the past year, and now....it is my turn to pick up where she is leaving off.

Thought this past year has been a struggle for me and if you've read thus far you know I won't claim to have been happy or stress free these past few months 100% of the time. But, even though the struggles and worry and anxiety of what is to come, I still live an amazing life. Though my job is stressful at times, I do love it. I love helping kids. I love making a difference in their day to day lives. I love being the one that they can get them through a day at school. I also truly enjoy working with the staff at my school. We are like family, and I know in my time of need, they will be there for me. I, obviously, love my family so much. They bring me so much joy. My children are everything to me and Dan. I also have an amazing husband. He loves me unconditionally, flaws and all. He picks up the pieces when I fall apart. When I was stuck in bed sad and depressed. When I cannot handle the stress of day to day things because I am consumed with my own worries. He cooks, he cleans, he is an amazing Dad. He does it all. My parents, my in-laws, my sister are all so helpful to me. They are supporting me 100% along this journey. I also have amazing friends. Friends who have been there for me for years and years and who will continue to be there for me for years to come.

So on this 32nd birthday of mine I choose to celebrate all of the joys of my life up to this point. I lead a charmed life. I am so grateful for all that I have. I know in 10 years I will look back on this journey of mine and it'll merely be a speed bump along the way. It won't be the defining moment of 2012. It'll just be simply one thing in my life that I overcame. One thing that made me stronger. One thing that allowed me to celebrate many, many more birthdays to come.