The Perfect 10!

Since we had a family wedding to attend this weekend (so much fun and too much to share, that might need to be another post!) I had to get my long run in a day early. So, I took the whole day off a work, yes partially to run, partially to get my nails done with the bride, and set out to run 10 miles. After last week’s flub, I wasn’t that excited. I lost my excitement for this run. I did have an awesome new ipod list to look forward to so that did help a little. I put my new compression socks on, my water belt on, and I hit the pavement in the nice cool 40 something degree weather. Since I was alone, I figured I would play with my pace a little. See if I could run faster than I have been on my training runs. This was a good experiment that proved what I probably could have guessed…I need to take it S L O W at the beginning. My first mile was 9:35 and it was all downhill (or uphill actually) from there. I over-did it on that first mile and then I was trying to play catch up for 9 more miles. The last two miles hurt. I aim for negative splits each long run, which is when you gain speed throughout the run. I had the opposite happen this time though I did eek out a sub 10 minute mile for mile 10, barely.

My overall pace wasn’t horrible, it was 10:11 for 10 miles but there was a lot of fluctuation this week when I would glance down at my garmin watch and I saw some upper 10’s and not a lot of 9’s. Ahh, lesson learned. I need to start slow at the race and build up to the last 3 miles when I can push myself a bit. Even though it wasn’t my finest performance it was still a perfect 10 because I ran 10 miles the same day that the scale said 10 lbs lost. So, it was a TEN kind of day!! I am officially at my pre-Sean and Carter weight, wearing my old skinny clothes, people are noticing a difference and I am happy. I still have a few more to go before I’ll be at my goal weight, but I am so close!  Yay for a perfect 10 kind of day! It was followed by an amazing weekend of lots of fun, laughing, time with family, and dancing! I even made it all night on the dance floor without being too tired from my 10 miles. A success!

Wow.

As you all saw I posted publically about my situation as a BRCA 2 carrier and also my plans to take preventative measures. It made me nervous being so personal and sharing things with a mass amount of people. Of course I've shared it on here for almost a year but many of my readers are random people that I do not know. I knew that many of my friends who already knew were supportive but I had no idea that so many people would be so sweet and supportive. I received a lot of comments, publically, on my post but I also received a lot of private comments. Comments from people saying that I was an "inspiration" which I absolutely do not agree with, but it was nice to hear! I received messaged from people who I hadn't even talked to in years since college, high school friends, family members that did not know, parents of my friends. I loved reading every single message because it just re-affirmed how strongly I feel about my decision. I've read horror stories about women saying that people questioned their choices to do the PBM but I know that would never happen to me. 100% of the people that I have told have been nothing but wonderful and the vast majority said, "I would do the exact same thing". Several said I was being so brave and all but I just feel like I don't have a choice. This is my life. I want to protect it and cherish my time....so I'll do whatever I can be to be healthy and cancer free. Being an inspriation to others is of no concern to me. I know I need to be strong and I know I need to do this. So, I will forge on.

Weight update: I've lost 9lbs and I am starting to look different in a good way! Old clothes are fitting and I am loving it!

Running update: This weekends 10 mile run was an epic fail. One time bc my GPS died 1 minute into my run and my shins were on fire. So, I decided to go on Sunday. Nope that didn't work either because after 3 miles in the pouring rain, being drenched to the bone, and freezing, I gave up and came home. I will run my 10 miles this week which is what the plan says so I am not off track, but I did feel the need to adjust. I am the kind of person who sticks to a plan and so it was tough today to get back in my car (to a dry shirt!) but I need to be flexible and learn that not everything always goes according to plan.

Ready to be on the "other side"

If you are a BRCA carrier like me, I am sure you are familiar with the FORCE message board. Being on the “other side” is what we refer to after you have finished the PBM (prophylactic bilateral mastectomy). I am so ready to be there. I’ve started the preparations, completed my FMLA paperwork, found a counselor sub, and arranged for help around the house in the weeks following my surgery. I’ve started the journey to the “other side”. I’ve read over and over from many women who claimed that the hardest part was this. . . the waiting, planning and preparations. I’d have to agree. Waiting is the hardest. But, thankfully I have my ½ marathon training and weight loss plan to distract me. I feel so strong when I am running and I am so happy to see how well my weight loss attempt has gone for me. I know that on surgery day I am going to look at myself in the mirror (for the last time before I am changed forever) and be happy with what I see. I will know that my body is physically strong, my running ability is at its peak, and I am at my ideal weight. I will be happy about who I am and the choices that I have made. I will be ready…..ready to go to the “other side”. When I am there, I am sure it’ll be hard but I know I won’t regret the decisions I’ve made along the way.

1/2 Marathon Training Update. 9 miles=check!

As I navigate my way through the rest of my training each week will be a first for me. First time to run 9 miles, first time to run 10, and so on. I am so happy about my training right now. I no longer have any doubts about my ability to run 13.1 miles. This week’s 9 mile run was amazing. It shows what a different 10-15 degrees can make for my running pace. A little cooler weather along with less painful shins and I was set. Here are my splits.

Overall pace: 10:05

1: 10:22

2: 10:12

3: 10:19

4: 10:07

5: 10:19

6: 9:53

7: 9:59

8:10:09

9: 9:32

As you can see my friend and I picked up our pace towards the end of our run. This gives me hope that I can pick up the pace a little more. I am being conservative on my long runs and I won’t need to be that conservative on race day. I literally enjoyed every minute of that 9 mile run and that in itself made my day! Next stop: 10 miles!  

Linking the two worlds.

I have two wonderful blogs (well actually 3 if you count my school blog). One is for my family. I started it back in 2010 and somehow have managed to keep it updated with the daily goings on of the Rettig Family. This blog was started just this year as an outlet for me as I as I navigate life as a BRCA carrier. The two blogs have never been linked because I felt this blog was too personal to share with the mass amount of people on FB and co-workers. But, the time has come to be honest with my friends and put it out there. I am going to need everyone's support in two very short months from now. How can they help me and support me if they do not know? The time has come to put it out there and what better time to share it than during Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

Here is my post that will be posted tonight in preparation for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Happy October everyone. I've never been through an October where pink had such great meaning to me personally. PS. Thanks for reading :o)

Life with the Rettigs

Weight Watchers

According to my BMI I am not overweight, however, since baby # 2 my weight has been distributed differently. I am not happy about the way I look. I decided it was time to get serious about these last few pounds. I only want to lose about 10-15 lbs and so far things have been going great. Not sure if you all are familiar with WW but it is a great plan for people like me. I like to eat healthy 90% of the time, but I also love to cheat. When I say cheat, I mean pizza, cupcakes, candy bars, like really cheat! I don’t want to live my life without ever being able to indulge in a reese peanutbutter cup or birthday cake, or a chickfila. I love the flexibility with this plan. With WW you have extra points for the week that you can pick and choose to use as you see fit. A lunch with a friend, birthday party, rough day, etc. Because Dan and I chose a healthy lifestyle for our family, I am able to eat what we are eating for dinner if I am careful about my portions. I eat fruit, yogurt, and vegetables for lunch and drink a lot of water. So far so good! I hope I can stay this committed. I like seeing changes in my body already with only a few pounds dropped. I also like wearing my old clothes that have been hanging in my closet for a while. I am on the right track to be healthy and strong for my surgery. I know it’ll be a while before I can look at my new breasts and be happy about them and I’ve accepted that.  At least I can look at the rest of my body and be happy about that.

Weight lost to date: 5 pounds!

Hitting kind of close to home.

I am not sure how popular the show Parenthood, on NBC, is but it is definitely a little difficult to watch right now. I love the show for a lot of reasons, it depicts a large family all still close and connected in their daily lives, 4 siblings, the grandparents, and the cousins. One of the siblings and his wife are dealing with a child with aspergers. From my experience on the subject the way he is represented is very true to real life. It shows the daily struggles of having a child with a disability. More recently it showed a child going off to college and how that affects the whole family. I remember leaving my parents on that day at JMU and it seems they probably had it worse than I did. I thought I was sad to leave them, but seeing it from the parent's perspective allows me to realize how hard it is let a child go. There are a lot of real life issues which I appreciate and couple that with some great actors and it has become one of my go-to shows. The one I search for in the DVR to watch first amongst a long list of recorded shows. But now...it is getting very real...maybe a little too real for me. Christina, one of the main characters (One child just left for college, one has aspergers, and she just had a baby) has breast cancer. Last week, they touched on it a bit but at the end didn't really come out and say that she did have breast cancer. This week it was revealed that she does in fact have breast cancer. It shows her sitting at the Dr.'s office with all the women with no hair, waiting, crying, re-searching online, trying to be strong, breaking down, and going through all the emotions that a woman with BC goes through. I know this all too well because it wasn't too long ago that I was going through these same things with my own mom.

In fact, if it weren't for my mom having BC I never would have known that I was at risk. There is little to no breast cancer in my family (my mom has all brothers). Growing up, I knew that mom mom had a few lumps removed and biopsied but it never affected me and my worry about my own future. I was living the good life assuming it was "other" people who were affected by BC until Nov. 4th, 2011. Then it got real. Now, it isn't just my mom. It is me facing this process. Christina on the show just had a baby, which means she is relatively young (older than me but still younger). I wonder if she has BRCA? Is that where they are going with this? Will she be faced with the same things as I am faced with?

I don't know where it will go but though it is painful to watch, I need to see it. I needed that reassurance that what I have decided to do is the right thing. I don't want to be sitting in a waiting room in a few years with women with no hair all wearing pink. I like pink but I do not want my life defined by it. So, thank you Parenthood. You gave me the extra sign that I needed.