Doing the opposite.

I get the whole "pink" association with breast cancer and how we can show our support but I have the opposite thoughts. I want to be proactive and healthy but I cannot let "pink" define my life. It cannot be all that I think about. It is not, though it is taking up a lot of space in my brain right now (and after two kids I feel I have little space left anyway!). It is harder to stay focused at work and at home when I can be researching, finding doctors, reading message boards, etc. So, my take on this is to: Stay Calm and DON'T think pink (all the time!). I hope that I can take my own advice.

It is a gamble. . .

I had a follow up genetic counseling session today with the counselor and an oncologist. It proved to be very helpful as I had a lot of questions. The more I read and research, the more I feel like I have a handle on my true risks. It seems the initial number given to me applies to BRCA 1 and BRCA 2 carriers combined but since I am BRCA 2 my personal risk for ovarian cancer is about 10%. To top that off, I have no one documented in my family history with ovarian cancer (that we know of). So, that makes me question why a Dr. would even recommend that I have my ovaries removed? Would you remove your leg if you had a 10% chance of getting bone cancer in your leg?!?If you had a 10% chance of winning the lottery would you still play if the price of a ticket were $1000? Probably not. It is all gamble at this point. I get that a lot of women do it for different reasons, if I had seen someone in my family struggle through ovarianc cancer it’ll probably be more of a concern to me. I just feel that if I know my risks are not that high and also a surgical menopause can change the quality of my life and put me at a small increased risk for bone issues and cardiovascular disease then surgical options for my ovaries are not something I am interested in at this time.

The other thing that was mentioned by the Dr. is that my risk of dying from breast cancer is very low. My risk for getting breast cancer is high, but with the surveillance technology available, if I do get cancer it would be caught super early as I’d get monitored every 6 months. I am not going to lie, for a split second I questioned myself and my decision to get a PBM (prophylactic bilateral mastectomy) because what the Dr. said is so true. Most women survive breast cancer and if it is caught early then why let it worry me so much. But, then we got to talking about my mom’s history and we reviewed my file. My mom had her first lump biopsied when she was my age. And for twenty years she has struggled through the stress and anxiety that go along with getting mammograms, biopsies, and waiting for results. In fact, she dreaded it so much she actually missed one year. Most women (even without a genetic risk) dread their yearly mammograms. I am not sure for the next twenty years that I want to be going through that, with finding lumps, having them biopsied, having them removed, and waiting by the phone even if I never got cancer. There is also something to be said for the stress it causes on your children. I do not remember being super worried about my mom through all of her issues but I am not a typical "worrier," I am not able to predict how my children would react to my stress through these issues, though I know for a fact it would stress Dan out immensely. I know my mom was terrified every time the phone rang to hear her results. Though I haven't processed this all the same way my mom has, I can see that being stressful for anyone. My thoughts were, if I most likely will eventually get cancer and at that time, would opt for the mastectomy anyway, why not do it now and save myself the stress and anxiety (not to mention money for the surveillance as my MRI was 300 out of pocket) and go for it now while I am healthy. So, again, thinking logically and rationally, I think I am ok with my decision to move forward.

As far as the ovaries, I’ve decided that I am in absolutely NO rush to take those bad boys out. Do I want more kids? Most likely no,  but I don’t want to be in menopause at age 31 or even 35 or even 40. I am ok with surveillance for at least 10 years. Easier said than done, right? I think I’ll be able to handle the stress of screenings as the ovarian cancer risk is not that high in general and certainly not high in for a person between ages 30-40. I’ll be making an appointment for this summer to begin my surveillance efforts and go from there.

Next stop....the plastic surgeon on Thursday.

Changing things up.

As you probably noticed, the picture I had on my header is of my mom. She is currently battling breast cancer. My sister, Jenn, (http://fybphotography.com/) took the picture of her and the pictures proved to be very inspirational. It gave us all the push to fight even harder, including my mom. I used that picture as my blog header because my mom is the reason why I got tested and why I know what I know. If it weren't for her (though it sucks she has cancer) getting cancer, I would have never even suspected I could be at risk. I would have continued on the same path and probably waited until I was 40 to receive my first mammogram. Thank goodness I know, thanks to my mom and the fight she has ahead of her. She took the news very hard that I was positive but I think she realizes now, that me knowing is so much better than not knowing and going down the same road she is right now. She'll begin a very aggressive round of chemo and then have radiation. I am an adult and it is terribly hard to see your mom struggle through something like that, which is why I cannot allow that to happen to my kids, knowingly. If my mom had the choice years ago, I am sure she'd do the same thing.

 Here are several of the "moments" that my talented sister captured of mom.

Though my mom was the reason I got tested, she isn't the reason I am fighting this and taking drastic measures to prevent cancer, which is why I took down the picture. I've changed focus from digesting the news to taking action. My kids and my husband are the reason that I know I have to take this all seriously and do what I can to prevent it from happening. My family is everything to me. Picking them up from their respective places (school and babysitter) are the highlight of my day. Spending every minute with them is what makes me happy. Dan, Sean, Carter, and I have so much fun. I love everything about my life and I want to keep it that way. Now that I know more about the mastectomy, I've realized it is a lot more than I originally suspected. It is going to be hard, it is going to be painful, and emotionally challenging. But, at this point I don't feel like I have a choice. I have an appointment with the plastic surgeon on Thurs and that will be the first step in this process. Am I scared? Yes. Will I do it anyway? Yes. I'll do it so I can be a mommy and wife to the most important people in my life for a long, long time.

It is not black and white.

Depending on what book you read, who you talk to, or what websites you explore you could be told to avoid quite a bit of things in your life to reduce your risk of cancer. This concept frustrates me and scares me at the same time. For one, I feel like at this point “everything gives you cancer”. For instance, I decided to implement flax seeds into my diet as they are a great source of Omega-3 essential fatty acids, and fiber. So, one would assume these would be a great healthy choice. Wrong. Depending on the site you read or who you talk to, some BRCA previvors avoid this due to the content of estrogen (along with avoiding all soy products). This is exactly what I mean, something that is good for your whole body perhaps isn’t good for one particular type of cancer. WHen you ask your Dr. though they often tell you not to worry about that kind of stuff because it isn't scientifically proven, but yet so many do. The same goes for birth control pills. They are not recommended for BRCA carriers as it is increases your risk of breast cancer, due to the fact that estrogen is linked to breast cancer, but decreases your risk of ovarian. I mean, really?!?!

I guess I am just frustrated as I want it to be black and white. Eat this and you won’t get cancer, take this pill and you won’t get cancer. Wouldn’t life much simpler if that was the case?

Here is what I am changing:

1.    For breakfast everyday I switched from instant oatmeal to steel cut organic oatmeal (and will continue to encourage Sean to eat it though his first encounter was not pleasant)

2.    I am adding flax seed to my daily diet (in the oatmeal). I choose the overall benefits rather than worrying about the estrogen levels. I will speak to my Dr. about this though.

3.   Organic milk all the way. For years we did buy it for Sean but recently due to “budget cuts” in our house we went back to regular. We will use organic only from now on.

4.   I am attempting to buy most fresh fruits and vegetables that are organic.

5.   Switching from plastic storage containers to glass. At least that is an easy one!

Like I’ve posted before I am very active so I do not feel a need to increase my activity level. I am still working on my weight. I’m losing it very slowly this time (post pregnancy), which is ok. 

I’m still struggling with the soda. I’ve switched to diet due to the caloric intake but I really like regular better. (and regular has no artificial sweeteners which is good). Once my weight is more under control then I will stop drinking soda all together, and when I do, have a regular soda in stead of diet. 

If anyone reading this has any suggestions, please share and post a comment. At this point, I feel like the best plan is to provide myself and my family with a healthy lifestyle. That in itself has many benefits besides the reduction of our risks to cancer.

True.

MRI Results.....

are normal!! I got the news Friday afternoon just as we were about to leave for the weekend. Whew. As I said, I assumed they would be normal but it was great to hear it was official! It allowed me to kick back and relax this weekend with some of my closest friends without a thought about it!

Stupid dry cough...

Today was the big day for MRI/mammogram. I wasn't really nervous, I've had several MRI's before but on my head (headache issues) so I knew sort of what to expect...being confined, not being able to move, being a little cold, and the insanely loud magnet clicking noise that keeps me from falling asleep! I was pretty relaxed going in and thought I'd take advantage of my quiet (minus the loud beeps) time to relax and lay down for 45 mins. Isn't that wierd that I looked at it as a way to relax when most women come in tense and stressed? I know, I am wierd. The tech said the more relaxed I was the better as it meant I was able to keep my body more still throughout the MRI.

So, I get loaded into the machine, which means I laid on my stomach face down and I had to have my hands over my head and an IV hooked up. It wasn't actually uncomfortable except my arm kept falling asleep. Well, all was going well until the tickle in my throat came on. You know that little dry tickle that makes you continuously cough and cough. Well, it happened today. I knew I wasn't supposed to move and though I could conveniently see the timer ticking backwards until it was over (I had  series of pictures done and each one had a certain amount of time displayed on the timer) I could not, I meant could NOT hold in my coughs. It was sooo annoying. I had to repeat two images (which added even more time in that stupid machine!). One of them, which was super important because it could not be repeated as I was injected contrast dye into an IV, was 6 minutes long. That was the longest six minutes of my life! You know when you are trying not to cough and thinking about not coughing the only thing you really want to do is...cough! Anyway, I had the nicest MRI tech helping me who was super sweet and got me a cough drop and let me cough in between sets of images.

She told me on the way out I would most likely need a mammogram also, NOT because she saw something on the MRI (I hope!) but because it is standard for the radiologist there to request both to compare the results. Ugh. So, here we go again. I've left a message with my Dr. to ask about that and to find out the timeline for which I'll know. The tech said a couple days which I can handle.

I've said it before, but I'll say it again. The most logical results would be I am clear. I am healthy, active, and young. It isn't worth it to assume I'll have cancer when all other signs point to the fact that I don't. Until we know otherwise, lets just go with that.